Awê Ma se kinnes!

It’s been a few days of constantly having to decide which whatsapp vids are fake, and which are not.

And once again I was reminded that there will always be that one doos who cannot wait to share sensational news without bothering to verify its’ authenticity beforehand. It’s a case of “let me quickly post this in the whatsapp group before anyone else does, in case it’s true”.

I mean, Yirre Bronwyn you couldn’t use google to establish whether someone really looted a whole shark?!

We saw looting in SA like we have never seen before. And some clips went viral before you could say “get a bigger getaway car”. I’m now referring to that chap who looted a TV that was too big for his car. He’s notorious now. Or Famous. Depending on which way you swing.

I didn’t catch his name, let’s call him Jakes. Because Jakes sounds like a name belonging to someone who’s very hands-on.

I wonder if Jakes is sitting at home right now, watching TV. I wonder how his morning started, on that day. I imagine that he woke up and had to google which malls had a heavy police presence because that’s where he didn’t go. I imagine that it was his wife’s birthday on that day, and that he wanted to surprise her with something special.

Let me take my silly mind to that morning. Jakes quickly kisses his wife Joy and tells her he’ll see her in a bit. Off he goes, drives to the designated mall. All parking bays are taken, dammit. Jakes parks in the road.  Puts hazards on.  Because he’s law-abiding like that. Finds the right store. Spots the perfect TV. Fortunately no queues at the till on that day. Firmly gripping the huge TV in its box, Jakes rushes through the mall, to the car.  (He is silently grateful that there’s no fish oil on the mall floor.  That was mos a Shoprite trick).

He gets to the car, Shit. TV won’t fit into the car. Opens boot. Shit again. Boot full from earlier loot. It’s been a good morning. Clears boot. Shoves TV into boot and strings a miracle together.

Gets home with humongous TV on shoulder and shouts “honey I’m home! I have a surprise for you!” Joy responds from the bedroom where she’s packing a suitcase. “I know you have a TV Jakes, everyone knows you have a friggin TV. You’ve been on the news all day, along with my car  and my number plate, we need to move. This is a shit birthday”.

If it’s your birthday today, I hope you’re having a better one than Joy.

Stay safe x