Awê Ma Se Kinnes!

Bad breath.  Weird toes.  Snoring at night.  Complete personality change when drunk.  Talks unexpectedly loud in a restaurant.  Laughs even louder in the same restaurant.

What I’m trying to ask is: what’s a valid reason to break up with someone even though you are dik in love?  Some people say that love conquers all.  But people who have been in relationships for a little while know that that’s not entirely true.  Especially if you’re a little bit fussy.

Awê Ma Se Kinnes!

Yesterday, while she was enthusiastically chatting with a group of us, I told my friend Fazlin that she had a bogie in her nose. One of those bogie’s that love styling right on the edge of the cliff. Fazlin was eternally grateful.

Awê Ma Se Kinnes

Music is everything.  Have you already told your family what song you’d like for them to play at your funeral?  You mussss.  It’s important. That’s of course if you want any music during your funeral service.

Awê Ma Se Kinnes

This week my mother-in-law is coming for dinner, and sleeping over.  And I’m looking forward to it.  And now my spirit is telling me that many people reading this will never say those words, ever.  And I don’t mean that your mom-in-law has passed.  No.  On the contrary she’s very alive.  And definitely kicking.

Awê Ma Se Kinnes

Did you make a New Year’s Resolution the other night?  I was asked by a journo to please send them a few sentences as to what my resolutions are.  I emailed back: TO STAY ALIVE.  They never went to print with that response.  They wanted more.  I didn’t have anything more.  Aiming to stay alive is currently a big enough challenge.

Awê Ma Se Kinnes

Rest in Peace Our Beloved Arch.  What an outpouring yesterday. From across the globe. So much Love, Respect and Adoration. Archbishop Desmond Tutu was a Giant amongst Men. And this sentiment was echoed by so many. It made me think about what people will say about the rest of us when we are no longer here.

Awê Ma Se Kinnes!

This is the week when people are starting to give other people presents. I panic when someone hands me a gift, and then asks me to open it while they are looking on. It’s stressful because there can only be one reaction. You are meant to go O WOW MAN THANK YOU! So moments before you rip the wrapping apart, you reach deep down to go and fetch that necessary reaction.

Awê Ma Se Kinnes!

It’s quite terrible to live in a world where you desperately want to tell someone YOUR MOER but you can’t.  And you can’t for various reasons.  Maybe because it’s your boss.  Maybe because it’s your teenage child.  Maybe because it’s your neighbour.  Or, as is the case with me, maybe because you know you will regret it when the sun comes up because you are actually just a nice person who does not want drama in his day, who does not want drama on any day, who does not want drama for the rest of his life.

By the time you’re done reading this, you’ll be 5 minutes older. Or perhaps even 65 minutes older. Depending on how much you bunked English when you were at school.

Yoh, over the past few days, South Africans were upset hey!  Essentially for two reasons. That bladdy new Variant. And then the quick Travel Ban that followed.

Even as youngster, those popular beach days never held much appeal for me. I must have enjoyed it until I was around 11. But not so much after that. As a kid, it was my job to make sure that the watermelon was kept safe and cold when we got to the beach.

To this day still there are various riveting reasons as to why the “passion gap” was trending at the time.

I’m not a member of the EFF but I actually think that Julius has the best election poster. Red is sexy and it works. But more importantly, the EFF poster promises the voter absolutely nothing. It simply says VOTE. How very fabulous.

Awê Ma Se Kinnes!

I much prefer Hotels to Guesthouses. I was reminded of this whilst surfing the net yesterday for a quick li’l getaway spot.

Awê Ma Se Kinnes!

The funniest meme I saw last week went something along the lines of: for my wedding, I’m having a bring-and-braai, so that you when go home you can skinne about your OWN food! Lol.  For our non South African friends, skinne means gossip.

Awê ma se kinnes!

Check here. I kinda have to go to gym. Otherwise I’ll just die suddenly, while eating something that I bought at drive-thru. Gosh. Which means I will then die in a parked car, in my drivers’ seat. Alone. At like 20-to-2 in the afternoon. How totally sad and uneventful.

Aweh ma se kinnes!

I’m sorry for not posting a story last week. My cellphone went missing on Sunday night. And found her way back into my anxious arms on Monday. Long story. Well not such a long story actually. In short, tequila was served at cousin Clinton’s birthday bash.

Awê Ma Se Kinnes!

We have not been back to puppy training classes because our dogs are gangsters. In the words of Aunty Merle: “they embarrass a person”.

Awê ma se kinnes!

The thing is this man. If you are going to post a picture of yourself getting vaccinated, kanalla make sure that it’s a lekke pic. You can’t go to the vaccination station with a thick long sleeve top, and then awkwardly stretch and pull the top so that it’s off your shoulder. The whole situation just looks very stressful. Plus, now there’s that bra strap that wasn’t expecting an outing on that day. You know the bra strap I’m talking about.  The one that’s not for a special occasion.  Now you are looking stressed.  The bra strap is looking stressed.

Awê Ma Se Kinnes!

Jusss is actually a fabulous word. Not often used in polite company, I don’t believe that there’s an absolutely right way to spell it. Today I shall spell it JUSSS, simply because I want us all to be on the same page as to what word I’m placing under the spotlight.

Awê Ma Se Kinnes!

Ga-Gwa!!! Covid Positive! Soema net soe!  

I wish I could say I was in absolute shock but I wasn’t. I was in absolute disappointment, yes but shock, no. I have become acutely aware of the fact that it’s very tricky to stay out of the destructive path of Aunty Rona. 

Prior to Saturday, twitterati kept reminding me to also focus my attention on the Olympic Swimming Pool. There were murmurs that South African medals were going to be flaunted. And sure as hell there they were. 

AWÊ MA SE KINNES

There are now two camps in the family whatsapp group: those who will take the vaccine, and those who won’t.

Awê Ma se kinnes!
We saw looting in SA like we have never seen before. And some clips went viral before you could say “get a bigger getaway car”. I’m now referring to that chap who looted a TV that was too big for his car. He’s notorious now. Or Famous. Depending on which way you swing.

The best memes usually land on my phone when crazy things are happening in the country. One I saw yesterday went along the lines of DUE TO COVID 19 WE ARE ASKING LOOTERS TO WORK FROM HOME AND DESTROY THEIR OWN PROPERTY. Hope all the members of team zuma took that one to heart.

It was an interesting time leading up to yesterday’s Jab. The first big story to circulate was: “go to Lentegeur psychiatric hospital for your jab, you don’t need an appointment and they are sooo well organized!”

Well that happened on Friday. Saturday morning was all about zero skills. I took my dog Hamilton to puppy training class, his first one. A total mess

Today is not a lekke day. My friend Shaleen has passed on, a nation is in mourning.

We have lost an icon who has paved the way for so many of us to express ourselves with pride and honesty.

It’s been a crazy week. This week saw the media and radio release of Vicky’s song THIS ISN’T ENOUGH. I wrote the song after a glass or two, or three.

Or Aweh with a “h”.
I don’t know, the spelling debate around that wonderful word will flippin’ continue until after I’m dead.