Awê Ma Se Kinnes!

Jusss is actually a fabulous word. Not often used in polite company, I don’t believe that there’s an absolutely right way to spell it. Today I shall spell it JUSSS, simply because I want us all to be on the same page as to what word I’m placing under the spotlight.

Last week I was in a zoom meeting and of course, Murphy’s Law, the minute I got all professional and settled into the meeting, my 2 dogs started “performing”.  Now “performing” in this instance is also an interesting word (When we were kids on the Cape flats and we were acting silly and being the source of much annoyance to the grown-ups around us, an aunty would easily klap you on the back of the head and shout “hey stop performing bladdywill!!!”)

So my dogs were “performing” while I was on zoom. Basically carrying on as though they were possessed by all the demons from Devilsdorp. I gracefully excused myself from the 4-person meeting, got up from my chair, and barked: ARE YOU’S JUSSS!!! The dogs understood immediately and quietly went to chill like lions on the cover of an old Jehovah’s Witness magazine. I calmly returned to the meeting to find everyone pissing themselves. Breeking.

In the aforementioned example with the animals, “are you’s jusss!?” means “are you crazy!”. So that then, is one meaning. In my world, there are three more meanings, bear with me kanalla.

So off you and your 7 friends go to your favourite restaurant. You order your main course. The food arrives, everyone is excitedly asking everyone else what their meal tastes like. Your meal is mind-blowing! This is when you look up and say “Oh MY GOD,THIS FOOD IS JUSSS!”  Yes. Jusss also means amazing.

And as the evening progresses, you realize that one of your friends at the table is looking quite fabulous. Not dripping with loud or trendy labels or anything, but everything that he is wearing is just fitting lekke. The perfect outfit on the perfect person. Well you would look at that friend and say FRIEND, TONIGHT YOU ARE LOOKING JUSSS. On point!

And then you all order another round of drinks. Remember you’re a table of 8 ne, everyone is now smaaking a different beverage. You notice that the waiter is not writing anything down. You mos know the kind of waiter I’m talking about, allergic to pen and paper. You suggest to the ambitious waiter that maybe he should get a pen. He casually dismisses you with his left hand accompanied by the “I’ve got this” body language. The drinks arrive and it’s a predictable friggin disaster, genius has screwed up most of the order. You angrily observe the chaos, lean over to your chommie and whisper I AM SOOO JUSSS! This of course is when jusss means furious.

Now that very same sentence means something completely different should you end up making out with one of your friends in the uber, on the way home from the restaurant. That’s when you might whisper, after nibbling on a warm earlobe: I AM SO JUSSS RIGHT NOW. This definitely does not mean that you are angry, it means fifty-shades-of-grey stuff. I’ve noticed over the years that people who grew up speaking suiwer Afrikaans, in this scenario, spell and pronounce the word as follows: JAGS. I only discovered that spelling later in life. And when people spell it like that, the word only has one meaning: horny. This suiwer afrikaans pronunciation of the word has always made me giggle, I don’t quite know why. I think it’s the GGGG sound, it’s just so perfect. Letting you know exactly what’s about to go down. Repeat after me: GGGGG

I wish for you a beautiful week ahead. Ja man, have a jusss week! And don’t allow annoying idiots to get under your skin and make you jusss. And then if you are lucky enough to spend time with someone you love, don’t be shy to get cuddly and lekke jusss, it’s good for your mental health.