Awê Ma Se Kinnes!

Bad breath. Weird toes. Snoring at night. Complete personality change when drunk. Talks unexpectedly loud in a restaurant. Laughs even louder in the same restaurant.

What I’m trying to ask is: what’s a valid reason to break up with someone even though you are dik in love? Some people say that love conquers all. But people who have been in relationships for a little while, know that that’s not entirely true. Especially if you’re a little bit fussy.

If people are wearing sandals, I immediately look at their toes. It’s actually a big thing for me. Having said that, I don’t think that I would break up with someone just because his toes look funny – but I will think about the situation. (Disclaimer: Anwar has nice toes). Now this is the interesting part. I think that I have such a thing about toes because I have issues with my own. My small toes look like they were not in the same room with the other 8 when Jesus made them. Ja I will have some questions when I get to heaven.

And one more thing about the toe story: you owe it to your partner to let her see your toes before anybody brings anybody’s milkshake to the yard. Particularly if you know that your toes are worthy of a discussion. Not all surprises are lovely. Display your toes in the first week, it’s the right thing to do.

Bad breath I’m sure is manageable these days. The tricky part is when to raise the topic. While writing this and thinking about it more carefully, I realize that the conversation needs to be had quite early on, due to kissing and stuff. Put that way, the topic is actually unavoidable. Wow. Could actually be a deal-breaker if not nipped in the bud.

Whilst we are with toes, let’s just soema go to smelly feet as well. There are some people who take off their shoes and make my afro go straight, don’t be one of those people. The world is a wonderful place as far as solutions to such problems go. Google will help you bigtime. Don’t let that pong ruin a sexy night at a 5 star hotel, shame man. Imagine that, remembering your night at the Silo for all the wrong reasons.

Most of what I’ve spoken about thus far is perfectly fixable so that no dramatic break-up via WhatsApp is required. There are other things though, that after the first or second date, should make you go mmmm I’m not so sure.  A complete personality change after one glass too many, may make you want to keep walking faster than Johnnie Walker.  Hell, you might even want to sprint outta there. An oh-so-valid reason for a quick break-up way before you even get to change your Facebook status to in a relationshit. The worst personality change is that one that shifts from nice person to argumentative and looking for kak. Again, run! That story’s only going to get more severe. But it would be unfair of me to touch on this topic and not admit, that there are some characters out there who actually become very charming and almost endearing on the third glass. You may want to stick around and enjoy that person, for your own entertainment. I don’t know, maybe it’s then that he carries on about how much the friendship means to him. Maybe it’s then that he sings the whole Whitney Greatest Hits album to you. Maybe he’s a comedian, I don’t know!

Finally, there’s the business of shockingly discovering that your date has the loudest laugh in the restaurant and your date laughs a lot. At everything. And it’s not just the laugh, your date speaks really loudly too. Now the decision will be entirely up to you here. Do you just go with the flow or do you actually say “check here babe, you talking and laughing a bietjie loud man and it’s too cold to get an outside table far away from everybody else” That might not work out so well for you, but weigh up your options. I mean, if THAT’S the noise level at Ocean Basket, can you just imagine what’s going to happen when you get to the room!?!

You decide.  Good Luck!