Aweh ma se kinnes!

I’m sorry for not posting a story last week. My cellphone went missing on Sunday night. And found her way back into my anxious arms on Monday. Long story. Well not such a long story actually. In short, tequila was served at cousin Clinton’s birthday bash.  Now when I say “bash”, it was really only 4 of us.  Now when I say “birthday”, it really was a somewhat belated birthday dinner at a lekke smart spot. So ja, cousin Clinton’s birthday was just an excuse to leave home and wear my new blue crew neck jersey from Superdry. Otherwise a person never gets to wear these things. Lockdown Life Mos!

(Ok it wasn’t actually a brand new crew neck jersey. It was a hand-me-down from Anwar. But not actually a hand-me-down. Because he never ever wore the jersey. He bought it and when he came home from the Waterfront he realized that it totally did not look as lekka as it did in the shop mirror. And then we both discovered that it absolutely suited me. Look at God!)

The Birthday Bash. One of the four of us suggested we go to a fancy spot on the Atlantic Seaboard. I won’t say who. Tanya. Elegant setting and rah-rah enough for instagram. Slightly overpriced of course, but being Capetonian, one gets used to this kind of abuse, and one is prepared to suck it up for a fabulous night out. And also, you can’t arrive at a spot on the Atlantic Seaboard with a blue crew neck jersey from Superdry and then look at the menu and say YOH NO WAYS EKSE! No. Behave. This is not the Spur.

Wait quickly. On the subject of not acting surprised when you see the pricetag.  Last week I needed a new harness for my dog Hamilton. Not sure if he’s outgrown the other one or if I just don’t know how to flippin adjust those horrible things. Probably the latter. Anyhoo, off I trot to get a new harness for dikkes. This time ‘round I decided not to act clever and to be completely honest in the pet shop.

Me: I don’t now how to put this thing on the dog and I don’t know how to adjust it.

Assistant: No problem Marc. Let’s decide exactly what kind of harness you’re looking for and then let me get the toy dog and show you step by step how to attach the harness onto the dog.

I was moerse impressed. Chose a sexy looking grey harness. Yes grey can be sexy in a pet shop. Credit card goes through. Thank You Jesus. Assistant asks for selfie and I love him even more. It’s a good day.

I look at my credit card slip in the car and see that sexy grey came in at EIGHT- HUNDRED-AND-FLIPPIN-FIFTY RAND! Huh! That much for a harness! Hamilton is a rescue from De Doorns! Don’t get me wrong, I would have had the same reaction if Hamilton was from Constantia. I just threw De Doorns in there for comic effect.  But yes he is from De Doorns and I am from Retreat and I’m sure that both of us never knew we’d witness the day that a harness valued at eight-hundred-and-fifty rand would ever enter our lives.

Now I’m in the car thinking that I obviously have to go back into the pet shop to say are you jusss. But then I thought I can’t. The assistant said my name AND asked for a selfie. He’s going to tell his friends that Marc Lottering is struggling financially. The Capetonian in me could not live with that.

Look here, I don’t want to make things up ne, but in that eight-hundred-and-fifty rand harness, Hamilton walked like a thoroughbred from overseas!

Back to cousin Clinton’s “birthday venue”. The setting was amazing. The food was tasty and expensive. The service was seriously shit. Which may be why we went for those rounds of delicious tequila. So as to forget about poor service and go for fun, fun, fun!  And fun was had. The pics looked amazing, Insta was lit! Mission accomplished.

Except I got home and my phone was missing. I called the venue and they said it definitely was not there. Of course my mind instantly went to shit service plus phone theft,  just wow!

Found my phone on Monday afternoon, next to my bed. Where I always put it when I get home. For years now already.

Yoh, but that tequila was lovely.