Awê Ma Se Kinnes

Did you make a New Year’s Resolution the other night? I was asked by a journo to please send them a few sentences as to what my resolutions are, I emailed back: TO STAY ALIVE. They never went to print with that response. They wanted more, I didn’t have anything more. Aiming to stay alive is currently a big enough challenge.

But even in the good old days before we washed our hair in sanitizer after someone sneezed within eight thousand metres of us, I was not really big on New Year’s Resolutions. Mainly because I hate feeling like a loser. I’ve decided it’s best to keep your new year’s intentions to yourself, so that nobody is able to judge you when you fail. Some of those resolutions may not sound challenging but they can eventually prove to be helluva ambitious. Three popular ones spring to mind.

THIS YEAR I AM GOING TO GYM. Don’t tell anyone. Just quietly start going. Maybe. There are so many variables when it comes to this gym story, take it from me. I’ve stumbled down this road for a while, the gym community is a whole other breed on it’s own. You can’t just arrive at gym in a dirty old grey tracksuit pants as though you’re part of the “boys open relay team”. No. You have to invest in some crisp new gym gear otherwise they will look at you funny. The right sneakers will easily cost you more than many packets of Fritos, I’m often gawked at when I arrive at gym with my old converse sneakers. (Which reminds me, I still need to buy a t- shirt for gym that says TSEK.)

Once you have 2 or 3 gym outifts you need to decide which gym you’ll be frequenting.  Different gyms attract different tribes, some gyms attract the laid back crowd and Others attract the not-so-laid-back crowd. This latter group makes gym noises while they are exercising. They also take very serious ownership of the gym equipment and may smash your car windscreen if you ask a ridiculous question like are you still busy here?

And if you are lucky enough, you need to choose the right Personal Trainer, this is crucial. You will be with this person for 60 minutes at a time, it can be emotionally painful if you make the wrong choice. You want someone who can say sweet nothings about more than just the best protein shakes or how last week’s trance party in Grabouw was lit.

So you see, the gym resolution is easier said than done.

THIS YEAR I’M GOING TO CUT BACK ON ALCOHOL. Please don’t tell anyone.  Notice how this resolution more than likely started with I’m going to give up alcohol, this quickly moved to cut back. It’s a tough one.  Having said that, I have to admit that I have a friend or two who’ve been able to turn their backs on the bottle cold turkey and are living their best lives. But still, If this is your resolution keep it to yourself. Because it is crucial to remember why you sometimes wind up with a glass in your hand in the first place. It’s just difficult to deal with some family and friends unless you’ve taken a few sips. Those are the people I have spoken about previously, numerous times, they have been created to test us. So a long as they are alive, turning your back on the bubbly is going to be a challenge. If you must, rise to the challenge quietly.

THIS YEAR I’M GOING TO TRAVEL MORE. Don’t be silly. Covid things. Put this one off for a little while.

So then at least join me on my journey with my ONE New Year’s Resolution: let’s try to stay alive kanalla. There’s still lots of laughing to be done.

Happy 2022 dullin x