Awê ma se kinnes.

I’m not a member of the EFF but I actually think that Julius has the best election poster. Red is sexy and it works. But more importantly, the EFF poster promises the voter absolutely nothing. It simply says VOTE. How very fabulous.

Most of the other election posters are just annoying as hell, reactionary and boring. I think we should insist on a ridiculous theme next time ‘round. Just to spice up our lives while we are stuck in traffic and forced to stare at the poles. Themes like “Bond Movies” (Live And Let Die” comes to mind). Or “Under the Ocean” (aunty Pat as a Mermaid – not a Snoek). Or “Garden of Eden”. Yirre. Slange (Snakes in Afrikaans).

That “Cape Independence Party” Poster seems to have come close to a “Charlie’s Angels” theme. Three people on the Poster, staring directly into camera. Two white people and one almost-white person. The words on their very intriguing poster: ons huis, ons werk, ons mense. What the Fudge. Ons. Julle. Hulle. Pille. Exactly what every country needs in order to heal: Safe Separate Cages. Ma my fok Marelize.

I’ve noticed at least 3 parties just going along the lines of no more masks, no forced vaccinations, no more lockdowns, and so on. Yirre Bronwynn. You couldn’t have at least one more strategy meeting where point number one on the agenda was let’s not be lazy and predictable.

And the thing is this man, some of us have become quite comfortable hiding behind our masks. Ja-Ja it’s flippin irritating when it’s clashing with your hot outfit. Jaaa it’s flippin irritating when you get to your car and realize that you left your mask inside and have to walk back. Jaaa it’s flippin irritating when you forget that those masks need to be washed regularly. But still, we kinda got used to it. I mean, there are some positves to the mask story:

if you are strolling alongside a friend, you can now skinne about people who are walking towards you without them being able to lipread;

you can easily pop into the shop for milk in the morning without having to shave (I want to say that this applies to men only but…jy wiet mos);

in Woollies, you can threaten your demon-possessed laaitie behind your mask without fear of arrest “carry on performing like this in front of the people and you see how mommy moer you when we get home!”

But fear not, the election posters will be down soon. And hopefully the only posters on poles will still be my very own one, promoting my show ‘LOOT’ which is currently on at the Baxter Theatre in Cape Town. Book on this site, it’s via Webtickets. I’ve been back on stage for a week now and I’m telling you it’s been kak lekke, as they say in the classics. There’s nothing like seeing real people and hearing them laugh. There’s even been a standing ovation or two. For my Gqeberha luvvies, I am there on 10 and 11 Dec at the Boardwalk. Tickets for that one already selling via Quicket. Joburg, Durban and East London, I am looking at early next year. I shall keep you posted.

I wish you a beautiful day. Today is my off day which means, I could drop off my yellow suit at the dry cleaners at 8am this morning. The dry cleaners in Gardens where it says on the window in big print SAME DAY DRY CLEANING HERE! I walk in this morning and say I’d like this for same day please. The lady looks at me and says “let me just go to the back and ask Fouzia if that’s possible.”  Huh? She leaves. Comes back. Fouzia says “ja ok, but only because it’s you.”  WHAT!

Jesus must come back. Enough now.